It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
