i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
