I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
