oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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