he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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