I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
