just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bring me that man meat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
