It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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