Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
