I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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