i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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