Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
