Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
