the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
soo... how was my night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
