How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
