If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She has the best kind of daddy issues
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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