i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
