I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
These tits shall not be calmed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
