Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
