The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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