Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
