We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
