i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
