FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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