Me. At least after what I've been through.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
