College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
