you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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