I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
