I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
