yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
