Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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