He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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