Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
