YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
sick fucks of a feather flock together
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
