I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
