so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
