So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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