hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
