Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
