can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize