Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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