btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
