He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize