What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize