U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
