mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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