People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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