He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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