your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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