i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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