in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
