I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize