And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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