so explain again why im purple
no
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
