You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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