i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
