How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
