i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
