I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
