So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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