I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
