Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
