Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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