I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Your penis caused this!
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