dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
