I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
