I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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