I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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