No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
