You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
