I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
