The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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