you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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