non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
