The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
