I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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