I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize