there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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