I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They are going to name an STD after you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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