I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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