dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
