I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
