Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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