ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
