I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
