Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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