We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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