Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
