i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
