I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
