there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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