I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
