You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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